A Decade of Change: Reflecting on Bicyclette and Life Transitions

Embarking on a reflective journey through the years, I explore the intertwining paths of personal identity, life's unexpected turns, and the ever-evolving story of Bicyclette.

Nine years ago this week, I wrote a post announcing the closing of Bicyclette Boutique, a cherished project that marked the first iteration of the Bicyclette brand and was, at the time, the embodiment of my dream. (If you need a little context, I recently wrote a brief piece on the inception of Bicyclette here, if you haven’t heard the story before.

It seems like such a cliché to say, but the passing of time is a wild experience, and it feels like it gets faster as the years pass.

Though I announced the closure to the public on Nov 7, 2014, it had been a long road to get there, and I distinctly remember that period in my life and how difficult it was.

I celebrated my birthday a week ago, which had me reminiscing about birthdays past, and where I was in my life at those points. And I remember that birthday nine years ago, at the very tail end of my 20s, being largely shadowed by the immense weight of the decision and reality of what that meant.

The closing of the boutique doors signified a closing of an important chapter in my life, and I battled a lot of dark feelings of failure and self-imposed questions wondering who I would be without the boutique. So much of myself was poured into it, and it was hard to extricate Paige the person from Paige the boutique owner. My identity was so intertwined with its existence. If the boutique no longer existed, what did that mean for me?

Since that announcement, and closing the boutique a few months later, a lot has happened, as one would expect across the span of nine years.

I slowly transitioned Bicyclette Boutique to Studio Bicyclette, a process that though on the outside may have appeared seamless, felt anything but. Laced with a lot of personal identity confusion and heaviness around such a big life decision, there was no roadmap for what I was doing or how to do it. I struggled through for a good year or so without much clarity or confidence around what I was doing. And in a lot of ways, running a business in general, albeit a creative studio now, feels very similar. Constant change and evolution, the constant intermingling of business and personal.

The way that my personal timeline plays out, from the closure of the boutique to today, reads almost comically like a classic checklist for a life plan, however outdated and generalized it is nowadays — move to the suburbs, get married, have a baby, buy a house. 

Leaving my beloved Queen West neighbourhood, my home for the majority of my 12 years in Toronto, I ventured across the city to the east end, which almost felt as significant as leaving the city altogether.

I got married.

I found out I was pregnant and moved to Hamilton, a very new-to-me city that in this case, was my version of the suburbs. Close enough to Toronto, but quieter, less expensive, closer to family.

I had Nova. 

I bought a house, which wasn’t really the original plan but the year after Nova was born threw a few big shifts our way (here’s my 2019 update with a little more context). 

We lived through a global pandemic.

I separated from my husband and became a single mom.

I decided to keep the house, as I’ve put a lot into it and it’s truly a home for Nova and I, but it’s been a struggle with so much shifting.

And so my story continues, though we’ll leave it there for now. 

Throughout that, Bicyclette has always been a constant, albeit an ever-changing constant. And another common thread has been the ever-evolving questions of personal identity and roles as a woman, wife, mother, friend, daughter, business owner, and everything in-between. 

I find myself constantly pulled between all of these roles and sometimes unsure if I, as just me, exist within this as a constant, a core. Instead often feeling like I’m shapeshifting between each identity depending on what’s required of me. 

This past year has been hard, I won’t sugarcoat it. Not just the personal identity questioning and significant shifts in my family dynamics, but from a business perspective as well. More on that soon.

And so I’m reminded of the importance of embracing the change and trusting in the journey and the process. It’s not always easy, but it’s part of our story.